Feelings about Baby G

Posted to Yahoo Sept 26

All day yesterday, I had this giddiness. Now, it could be that I was excited to be out of the house after being home with poor Sam for the 4th day in a row. But, I have more of a mother's intuition that it was something very positive that was happening in Baby G's life. I don't generally make thoughts like this known. But this one is strong. Thoughts like: birthday? day he was placed with foster family? I'm not sure...probably won't ever know. But, Sam woke up a 1/2 ago (4am) or so and these feelings were strong enough that I couldn't go back to sleep. All day yesterday as I took prescriptions from doctors and dated them, I kept feeling like 9/25 should be significant...[For Nakia, who reads this blog everyday 9/25 is Sam's 21 mo birthday, but for Christine, I am not supposed to count month birthday's anymore.] These girls I work with - they keep me on my toes!
I had lunch with Jessica yesterday. Her son Jason is 6 mo. She asked about my feelings for this baby. They are of pure excitement. I am not apprehensive, worried or anxious - I am calm and ready to see his face. In contrast to Sam, I was worried about his health, his looks (more so than I should have been, it seemed totally out of my control - now he is gorgeous!), his safety, our response, the foster family, the birthmother.... the list goes on. I am sure some of those concerns are yet to surface. But my feelings center around the milestones that an adoptive mother celebrates until I can bring him home. We will focus on referral, POA for our Guatemalan attorney, DNA match, visit trip, family court, PGN, and finally having our son in our arms forever. I will let my mind wander to the time that have 2 sons, brothers for life. I can see them running in our yard, digging in the dirt, using the unfinished basement as a race track (like we did at my cousin Stacy's house), and having little spats. But, most importantly knowing that they have a common beginning in Guatemala and common endpoint in our arms. I feel OK letting my mind wander there... I did not feel as comfortable with these feelings for Sam. It didn't seem totally real until he was in my arms. I think this adoption my be harder emotionally during the wait. I now know what it is like to love a child for your own, so it will be much harder not to have this one ASAP. But, I trust God's timing, it was perfect for Sam.
I have prayed earnestly for the birth mother, that she may find a peace and calmness and that she will find the strength to go on.
As, for our chosen child, my prayers go out for his safety and development until we can bring him home!